Self Will

Well once again i have taken my will back and paid the ultimate price. i lost a dear friend behind it, i hope to continue turning my will and life over to the care of GOD. Also no matter how hard life is i need to learn from life's lessons and continue to work a program no matter how difficult it seems.

I think that i am now willing to do whatever it takes to do gods will and not my own will. the only thing i have managed to accomplish was to secure daily pain and suffering. I am emotionally and spiritually bankrupt, but i will work on this on a daily basis as i work my 3rd step on a daily basis.

Everyone has defects, i can only work on my own to become a better person. I have been procrastinating on my 4th step. i need to get this done, i need to see the part i have played in my resentments and identify my feelings.

I need to free myself from this mental bondage and i know working a good solid program will do this. i have to concentrate more on me.

Staying Grounded

Tonight i sort of lost my ko0l while talking to a friend, i have taken the time to look at what transpired and what part i played in it. Doing my 4th step is bringing up alot of emotions for me that i dont quiet understand. i gotta get with my sponsor on this, i am starting to share feeling or what i feel without regard for what others feel. they say talk about what you feel right? so thats what i am tying to do, i am trying to be honest about what i feel.

I know i need to continue to work my program, and becareful about the conversations i allow myself to come involved in. i have to stay grounded, for my own sanity. on a lighter note a friend of mines will be teaching me how to cook all types of exotic meals whenever we find the time. i am really looking forward to this. hopefully good times are ahead but i will be taking my time to see what other dish is on the menu rofl.

Step 3

Ok this is just a little something for me, i finished step 3 about 2:00am. I am now moving on to step 4, you know making a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Time for me to see my part in all this crazy madness.Step 3 showed me how i was running on self-will and trying to control others and that i needed to turn my will and my life over to the care of GOD. I am so ready to do this, i just need to remind myself every mnute of everyday. GOD let me do thy will and not my will.

HALT

Hungry Angry Lonely and Tired if you ask would this be me, oh Lord i'd have to agree.
I am trying so hard to get inner peace, guess i am waiting for something to release.
Guess i am waiting for some sort of infinite light, to awaken me from my own madness and end this fight.

Feeling lonely and rejected is what get me the most, filling that void seems like just a ghost.
I pray to GOD each day and night, to help me in my terrible fight. Is it the illusion of life and
how i think it should be, or is it reality?

I know that self pity in me plays a big part, it keeps that void unfilled in my heart.
There is so much work to be done, it feels like i am constantly under the gun.
Get out of your head young man, get off you ass and take a stand.
The life you see others living, you can have that life too, work on HALT and God will carry you through.

Step work is the key....no more illusions deal in reality, so God please guide me on my path to happiness and a new freedom. i know life dont have to be so grim.